I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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