I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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