Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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