girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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