The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
