I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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