Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
