you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
