I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
