I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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