piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
