Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
