When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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