you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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