Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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