i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
