I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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