We're like a lot better than the average bears
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
