Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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