you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
