My first STD was from a foam party
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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