On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
