please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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