Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
