we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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