I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
