Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Shame is for Republicans.
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