just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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