Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
