You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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