In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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