Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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