1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
