I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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