Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Randomize
