He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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