I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
