This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
