Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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