I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had sex on a roof
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
