I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
