Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
