just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
