I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
