The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Come on in and take your pants off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
