cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
