my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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