hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
