mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
