I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
