Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
