So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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