You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
