So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize
